Worked Hard. Just Not Hard Enough.

6-Word Memoir. I am sure people who are avid fans of NPR radio must have come across this wonderful piece on the 6-Word Memoir book where people are asked to describe their life in 6 words. The idea was adopted by the famous Hemmingway story where someone in the bar challenged Hemmingway to come up with a meaningful story in 6 words. This is what he came up with...

For sale: baby shoes, never worn

Beautiful.

I am trying to write something that would describe my current life. The one in the subject of the posts applies but was written by someone else so I can't take credit for that.

Of course, you are allowed more than one. I am down to 13 so far!

Can you write your memoir in 6 words?

Unscathed!

Am i special or what? I go to India all the way to get engaged and the girl backs out on the day of the roka itself!

Wow...now I know why they say that marriages are made in heaven.

Singlehood continues...

On And Off

Consistency has never been one of my virtues. This blog of course is a perfect example. A lot has happened in my life since I last posted, but that's barely a valid excuse.

I am just plain lazy.

This inconsistency is slowly percolating in every sphere of my life. I went to the gym 2 days ago...after an inconsistently long (4 months!) period of time...and decided to meet a 23 year chatty American trainer who measured my body fat and announced that I am at the borderline of acceptable range. I have 24.7% body fat...it should be less than 17% to be declared fit. Jumping peacocks!...I didn't even know such a thing existed and could be measured! All he did was pinch me in awkard places (he kept announcing it loudly so that people don't confuse his intentions) and use a vernier caliper sort-of device to get some numbers and voila!!!

I learn something new everyday. I am now trying to intake less fat by eating only fat-free brownie ice cream with whip cream. I need to get back below 17%...shaadi karni hai boss!

Which leads into my other glaring inconsistency...my shaadi. I am trying come out of the "Kabhi Haan Kabhi Na" phase to "Kal Ho Na Ho" types. Of course beech mein I had to pass through "Apna Haath Alok Nath" and "Kab tak dhakkan?" phases to reach this exalted realization. So I've finally decided to marry someone from apna desh and if you'll excuse me, I need to make some calls.

I have realized that when it comes to women, inconsistency is considered not sexy. So please make way, I am putting sexy back.

Twilight Zone (Part 1)

I met Twilight Fairy in her backyard on my recent trip to Delhi. Fairy is hairy. Really. But not in a bad way…allow me to explain. She had warned me about the length of her hair…but I was still not prepared. When she let her hair loose in slow motion (after much cajoling)…they fell…like apni ganga from Shiva’s head…and kept falling!...still in slow motion of course. I thought after reaching her shapely buttocks that this is it…but no! they unfolded some more and went on…majestically bouncing on and on...!!! Wow…it was as if watching a shikhakai ad. I felt humbled…especially after ghumaoing a nervous hand over my chand sa head.

Ahem…that scene..err…still evokes some hormonies…eeeshh…memories.

Now you will ask where did all this happen. Of course, in beautiful Delhi. She had invited me for a Delhi Blogger’s Meet, because you know…I was in Delhi for the sole purpose of finding a bride…and was a blogger…and wanted to meet as many kudi’s I could. Since my girl hunting wasn’t going on according to my well laid out fantasy, I was hoping to score big time in this meet.

But alas, of all the hundreds of bloggers in Delhi…only the male species decided to attend…and I am sure…for very similar reasons as mine. So you can imagine, we all had a similar disappointed glum look on our faces and the only bright spot amongst us (other than my head of course)…was the beautiful almost angelic fairy (actually…anyone would have looked angelic standing in our group…see photo for proof).

To Do List

I love making to do lists. I get an orgasmic joy everytime I scratch out an item.

example:
12:54 PM Try a diaper.
01:31 PM Try a diaper
02:30 PM Lick a stamp
02:31 PM Lick a stamp

The more I can scratch out, the happier I feel. I think pichley janam mey main zaroor kutta ho ga. This is just a civilized way for me to relive my past.

bhow. grrr. *scratch* *scratch*

i know...i need help.

Walnut

I was at JFK airport waiting for my connection flight when I decided to dig into the ziplock my mom had packed for me...rastey ke liye. I came up with a few walnuts and cashews and other dry fruits kinda stuff...and my mom's voice rang in my head..."walnuts are good for your brain".

I was about to pop one in my mouth when I happened to look at it closely...trust me...I had never spent so much time with a walnut alone. And I noticed something...the nut actually looks like a freakin brain!!! See it urself if u don't believe me. That gave birth to an interesting theory of mine...that if a nut resembles a body part...it's probably good for it.

So...since I had lots of time and all the nuts in the world...here is my list.

Walnut - Brain
Cashewnut - Kidney
Almond - Eyes
Raisins - Nipples (i know its not a nut...but it was in the ziplock)
Peanut - err...testicles?

Over. damn! Next time I'll ask her to pack Haldiram's Mixture. That would keep me busy the whole day.

Morph-eeyucks!

Dug up an old post of mine from a previous blog...still true!

Bystander in Indian Store: You know, you look very familiar.
Me: (smiling) Yes, I have a very homely face.
Bystander: No no no...I mean REALLY familiar.
Me: Well...I guess I have a very common face.
Bystander: No no no...you look like that someone in the movies...uff!...can't remember his name...
Smug Me: (*here we go again...prepare to flash him your Akshaye Khanna smile*)
Me: Yes yes I know...his name is A....
Bystander: GOT IT! ABHIJEET!!!
Confused Me: ...err...who? (maybe he is one of those new hunky Mahesh Bhatt breed)
Joystander: ...arey...that ugly looking singer re...ABHIJEET!..."Yes Boss" wala!
Bystander: (shouting out to his wife)...aey Lata...idhar aao...Abhijeet khadaa hai! ekdum ditto copy!

I don't know how and when I morphed from Akshaye Khanna to Abhijeet. I recently shaved my head to escape the Abhjieet likeness. Guess what...yes...now I look like Gollum. At least Abhijeet was human. Tauba.

Home

I am at home. India. Bombay. Sitting next to the window listning to the blare of the Masjid loudspeakers while the Ganesh temple in our complex is banging bells and thalis to create the next a r rehman creation. There goes the shankh...and now comes the arabic shloka...awesome. Fuck...no wonder we create such deadly music.

Its good to be home.